We're like a lot better than the average bears
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
