doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
