Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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