I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize