aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
