i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
