I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
