And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
