I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
