I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
