I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
