I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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