Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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