im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
