put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
