Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
