i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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