Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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