Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
