so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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