I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
