i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
