Porn is love you can see.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
