sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
