I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
