well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
