Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
