is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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