So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
