Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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