Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
