First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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