she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
