Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
