Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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