On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize