we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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