I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
