He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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