btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
