Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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