Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
