Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
