I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
