absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
