WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
