just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
