You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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