my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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