i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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