i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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