I'm eating all of the evidence.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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