I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
