you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
