I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
