Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
