Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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