I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
