i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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