Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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