if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Enjoy the penises
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
