So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This baby is an asshole
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
