Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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