Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
