Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
