The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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