Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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