how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
