He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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