the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
