you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
