That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
